did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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