Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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