she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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