P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
