it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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