Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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