I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
