I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
