I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How external is "for external use only"?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
