the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
