i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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