The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
