True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
