life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am spending my child support on dildos
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize