Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
