I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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