sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
