I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
