capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
