he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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