help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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