I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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