i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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