Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
