The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
