the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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