i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think i got beer on your cat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
