So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
