While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
