Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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