If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
