Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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