Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
