the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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