Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
