apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
