Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
