New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
