Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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