Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
