Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
