It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He has the fingertips of a God
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
