i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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