I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
