Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
