that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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