seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Im part way to drunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
