i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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