But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
