I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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