I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
