My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
