Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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