i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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