I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize