I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
