Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
