I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
