i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
