we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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