I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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