I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
