his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
