I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
