Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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