This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
