The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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