His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am one with the molecules
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
