how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
