my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
