are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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