just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
