I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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