Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
