He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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