wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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